First Day of Kindergarten

I have a kindergartner! When and how did this happen? Ella's first day of school was August 23rd. She looked so cute... and was so excited to get out the door and start this new adventure. (She loves to strike a pose.)

She got a new backpack and lunchbox for the new year... very cute kitty-cat bags she has to show off.

I got to take her to school for her first day. They waited in line with the rest of their class before they walked to their new classroom. You can see in this picture she is a little nervous and scared... and yes there were tears. (We both cried.) But she warmed up....

...as soon as her best friend Bethany showed up. They lucked out and are in the same class together with Mrs. Keller. Ella loves her teacher and I can tell she is fantastic.

It was hard for me to watch her march off to this new time in her life... I cried all the way home. But I am so proud of her. She is doing so well, having so much fun, and making so many friends. We love you Ella and are prouder than you can imagine.

Fun with Markers

So, what do we do all day when Ella is at school?
We go to the park, we make cookies, we give our Barbies baths... and Abbigail likes to color.


Well, I left her alone for a little too long one day, and she colored. She colored her face, her arms, her legs, her toes... and fortunately not my carpet or furniture.


You can tell she had fun. And I know she had fun, because it has happened more than once.

Baby Blessed

We are blessed by having this beautiful baby in our family so on August 15th Jared gave baby Claire a priesthood blessing at church. It was a beautiful day.

Lots of family was in town for the blessing... my parents, Jared's parents, his sister Janiel and her two children, and my sister and her son. We also had some good friends, the Hankinsons, come to the blessing as well.

We took a big family picture... but for some reason it didn't show up on Jared's camera... but don't the girls look gorgeous in their dresses? This was after a long day at church and playing so they looked a lot cuter... but I still think they are the cutest girls in town.

I love having three little girls. They are so much fun, and I know some day they'll grow to love eachother as much as I love my sisters.

Bug Juice and Popsicles

It was so nice to have my sister and nephew in town for a week. They helped out so much.... more than they know. (Thank-you Erica, I love you.)
Best of all the kids had a blast together.
What is better than Bug Juice and popsicles on the front porch?

My nephew Cooper loooooves Bug Juice. Erica and I went to four different stores before we found it in Borger. Not at Walmart, not at United, not at Allsups... but they had it at the gas station across the street from Allsups (don't know the name.)

With the 106 degree weather the popsicles were a hit... as well as the splash park at Huber Park. The kids could have stayed there all day.

Abbigail usually doesn't get too brave, but does manage to get a little wet.


Cooper, as you can see... dove right in.

And Ella loves the splash park!

A great summer treat before school started.

We love and miss you Erica and Cooper! (Next time bring Ladd.)

Sisterly Love

Ella and Abbigail love their new little sister Claire. Ella is always asking to hold her and feed her... and sometimes she gets caught picking her up without our help.

Abby loves Claire, too... and holds her all the time, but ususally only for about five seconds so we can never get a picture of it. But... we caught this on camera. Abby likes to play with Claires toys and stuff, and pretend she is a baby. So one day she crawled into Claires bassinette, grabbed grandmas ugly doll... and took a three hour nap with her legs hanging over the end. I love this blonde-haired beauty. (Abby, not the doll.)

The Reason Why

I am a TV commercial.

Three months ago. That was my last post. Three months ago I could tell you that I was happy, I was having fun with my girls, and I was planning for another beautiful baby girl. It was just a couple weeks after my last post when the anxiety hit.

Abbigail's c-section delivery was hard for me. There was a problem with the spinal and I had a panic attack on the operating table. Awesome thing to do when you are totally naked, and numb from the chest down. So I lived in fear as the day drew nearer for Claire to come. Would it be the same as last? Anxiety and fear overwhelmed me, but there is good news. The spinal went great. The surgery was the best out of three... and beautiful Claire was healthy and strong. And for about two weeks so was I.

For those who know don't know I suffered Post Partum Depression with Ella. Much of that had to do with the fact that I went back to a job I hated when she was only six weeks old. I'll never forget the day I walked out on my job, and drove home as fast as I could to be with her. Another panic attack.

With Abbigail, I had three months of maternity leave. It was hard to go back to work, but I truly loved my job and the second time around I was prepared with medication.

I was prepared this time, too. I read books. Prayed. Fasted. Hoped... that my sanity would stick. It didn't. It was as if it happened overnight. Two weeks after Claire's birth my world changed.

No... I'm not Andrea Yates. I would never hurt my children, and I love this new little life as my adorable niece would say, "as big as a redwood tree and more." But for those who have experienced Post-partum Depression, or any depression... it is immobilizing.

One night Jared and I were watching TV when a commercial came on...

-A woman staring out the window, "I just don't find joy in things anymore."

-A man rubbing his eyes, "My sleep just doesn't seem right."

-A mother staring at her beautiful daughter, "I can't deal with the guilt."

..... and more and more and more.

I turned to Jared and said, "I'm a TV commercial." I wasn't sleeping. Poor little Ella took the brunt of my mood swings. I didn't want to get out of bed, get dressed, cook dinner for my family, exercise, or eat. (Me, not eating? Something is definitely wrong.) Worst of all: I didn't want to hold my new baby. The girls would ask why I was crying all day long. It could be easily hidden from the outside world because I was never outside... but my beautiful daughters knew something was wrong. Things came to a head one night, and fortunately our wonderful doctor makes house-calls. He just happens to be our bishop and a truly Godly man.

My biggest question: Why would my Heavenly Father send us this unexpected gift if he knew I was going to suffer this way? My bishop/doctor was able to counsel me, and he and Jared gave me a blessing of healing... and I got a new cocktail of medication. That night Jared called his mom, explained the situation, and the next day she was in Borger to drive me home to Colorado where I stayed for 10 days. A week after that my mom and sister come to Borger with my nephew who is just five days younger than Abbigail. (They make quite the team, sort of like me and Erica.)

Things aren't perfect, but they are better. I hold my baby... all the time. She is perfect, even if she keeps us up all night long. And I have wonderful friends here in Borger who do so much to help me... and a husband who is understanding and patient who I love with ALL my heart. He is up with me at night when that baby isn't sleeping... he takes his turns.

So bare with me as I continue to fight for hopefully only a few more months when my body and hormones go back where they belong. Some days I start feeling sorry for myself, and then I remember those who do have it much worse. And I remember Claire. God gave her to me. Me! I'm not perfect, and he still trusts me with her. Keep us all in your prayers.